Decision Made

I've made the decision to transfer out of College of Charleston to Trident. I bet from the outside looking in, it looks like I'm giving up and taking the easy way out. That isn't it, I can handle CofC education wise. My grades are fine, minus a little slacking on my part, but other than that it's tolerable. So that's not why I'm doing this. I was planning on taking Summer courses at Trident anyways to get my sciences out of my way, so why not just go there full time? I'll be living in Summerville, at home which isn't too appealing but it's better than Charleston, and near everyone/thing I know. It's where my happiness is, and in Charleston I have nothing. I want a job, my car, and people I can see on a regular basis. I'm still aiming to get into the cardiovascular perfusion program at MUSC, but I have back up plans if that fails. I can obtain an RN, work for a year, apply again to MUSC and become an anesthesiologist. Or perhaps a physical therapist. It all depends, and for now I'm just going to take as much science classes as necessary, enjoy my life, and see where it takes me. I don't mind if I have a high paying job like I did before, I just want to be happy and make the people around me happy.

"Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms shall be filled with all precious and pleasant riches." - Proverbs 24:3-4

Well school is coming to a break - thank God. One whole week free of school related bullshit. It'll be a huge relief. Heading to Asheville for two days to get ink'd and to hike. It'll be fun, I just wish Jesse could come. I spent the past few months debating what I should get done and where. I finally decided on a feather on my right outer thigh. I wear shorts a lot when the weather permits it and it's simple and nothing I think I'll regret. It doesn't symbolize anything (I personally think that would be dumb). It's going to murder my finances, but that's fine.

I got to church now. I absolutely adore it. It's a surprise to most people because I was always the type to argue and oppose everything and anything to do with religion. Now I'm the one telling people they shouldn't be so close minded and open up. I never thought I'd see the day. I like it. :)

Art

I have decided to get back into photography.

I have a Nikon d80 that just sits in my closet.

I need to explore my creativity and broaden it.

So get ready for some art-t-t-t.

Proverbs 10:12
Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.

I'm going to work on letting things go. My dad always said, "hate is such a strong word and you use it much too often." I want to change that. I don't want people to think I am some hateful being, because I'm really not. I want to become a better person and open my heart up wide.

Winter

Is beautiful. Today after I left Jesse's, I decided not to go home and just drive. I drove down past my old high school, then on a road that was a straight away through trees upon trees. I didn't want to turn around, but I knew my tires probably couldn't handle it. It was such a nice hour long drive, it would have been nicer if I had some company.

I like how my parents were arguing this morning to the point that it woke me up. Yet now they're being all nicey-nice. Yet I don't go to dinner and my mom decides that's a good reason to ignore my existence? Cool.

"Did you know you have a special way of
Turning around my terrible days?
You make all the bad things go away
The second that you say, hello."

Dear Jesse,

"Everytime I see your smile
it makes my heart beat fast
And though it's much too soon to tell
I'm hoping this will last

'Cause I just always wanna have you
Right here by my side
The futures near but never certain
At least stay here for just tonight

I must have done something right
To deserve you in my life
I must have done something right along the way

I just can't get you off my mind and why would I even try?
Even when I close my eyes I dream about you all the time

And even if the moon fell down tonight,
There'd be nothing to worry about to worry about at all,
because you make the whole world shine
As long as you're here everything will be alright."

iloveyou.

Got My Ipod Stuck on Replay

So, two exams down. I really don't know how I did on either them. I either did good or really bad. Eh, I hate having to choose between two extremes. Theatre was today.. took me twenty minutes. That kinda scares me. : / And Spanish is tomorrow, but I haven't studied that at all. I've just been sitting here on the internet killing time. I've had like no human interaction today. : (

I got in a fight with my mom about moving out today. At first she thought it was an okay idea and was cool with it. Now she's saying if I move out, I have to pay for my own car insurance and won't help out. It's not fair. I told her that living at home was definitely not an option because of her and dad. They're constantly fighting and there's so much negative energy in that house I can't stand it. I'll make it happen. I'll get a job over the summer and not spend a dime of it. Then once I get a part time job during school, I can use my summer money to pay rent and bills and shit. I also have 2k in the bank that will help. My parents need to stop being so fucking pessimistic.

Anyways. Girl's night tomorrow. : ) Amandalyn is staying in Charleston with me until Wednesday and Ariel should be here for at least one night, hopefully more. Getting pierced, don't know where, sometime this week. Industrial maybe, but I'd rather not get ripped apart by my parents. So maybe just second holes. It sucks I'll be in Charleston for so long though. I want to see Jesse. : ( I'm falling so fast for that boy, it's crazy. He's absolutely perfect.

"when the days are long and the thunder with the storm can always get me crying. well you can make my bed, i'll fall into it, shattered but not lonely. 'cause i never knew a home until i found your hands and when i'm weathered you come to me you're my best friend."